Hogwarts Dorm Regulations

[bluecannery]

 Recently, I was thinking about how the Gryffindor dorms deal with underage wizards getting together. The stairs up to the ladies' sleeping quarters collapse, turning into a slide, and prevents any young man from deflowering any Gryffindor student. Unless he's made polyjuice potion. Or flies up on a broom. Or can support himself against the walls and climb up that way. Or levitates himself all the way to where he wants to go. Or...well, you get the point. It's the basic Gryffindor strategy: Take the most obvious, bull-headed method, and hope for the best.

That got me thinking about methods the other founders would have devised for their common rooms.

Slytherin: I would imagine the dorms would go downward, so a slide would not work. Salazar Slytherin would probably have foreseen the dangers of his students wanting to shack up together. To prevent this, he probably would have set up so many different traps. These would be set off at random to keep students from being able to plan ahead, and also keep going until exhausted (which wouldn't happen because there are enough and it would be part of the head of house's job to add more each year).

Ravenclaw: Initially, the door the intruding student would try would open to the library, to a section of the student's interest (other than mature relations, of course).

Hufflepuff: One of the duties of the head of house would be to teach sex ed to the students, starting in their first year. Topics covered would start with consent, healthy relationships, and basic safety. Other topics would go into more detail, involving different acts and genders of participants. There would also be an open-door policy for students to approach their head of house with additional questions as needed. The head of house would also be willing to support students from other houses who wanted support as well. As time went on, the house's prefects were probably also given training to offer this support to fellow students, as some students might feel more comfortable going to someone closer to being a peer than to a teacher. The other founders would probably would scoff at this approach, but Helga Hufflepuff would rather her students be safe and comfortable in their relationships, especially because dorm rooms aren't the only place for hanky-panky and queer people exist.

Rowena had been a skeptic at first, but had seen the effects on Hufflepuff's health and updated her house's method to: For the student's first try, a portal would open up to the library, specifically to an area featuring books on health and sexuality. (Thanks to Hufflepuffs, this included a posting of how best to get in touch with the Hufflepuff Head of House and the appropriate prefects.) For the second try, the portal would be there, but there would be a way to get to the target dorm area.

Not how this works, Rowling? Go sit in the corner with George Lucas.

Whoops, forgot to update the year. I had apparently started this last August. Yeah, there's a bunch of entries that are marked private because I haven't finished them yet.