Blue Canary

In honor of Meat Loaf, I wanted to share a thing that's been bothering me for some time.

Back in the day¹, AT&T had a product called a "Go Phone." It was a plan that featured unlimited phone calls to other customers of the carrier and unlimited texting could be added. There was no annual contract.

One of the advertisements featured Meat Loaf, with a parody of "Paradise by the Dashboard Light." In the ad, his son (played by Adam Cagley) is sweeping the floor of the garage when he declares he wants a Go Phone. Meat Loaf, of course, responds in song, because that's what rock stars do. He asks his son to "let him sleep on it" while his son tells him the highlights of this plan. (His wife, played by Tiffany Darwish, comes in at some point cradling what looks like a bare leg of meat and to release a dove, because why not?) There's a long and a short version, of course, but they both end up with Meat Loaf agreeing to get his son that phone.

Overall, it's a silly, kinda cute, basic over-the-top commercial. The song makes it more memorable, as I could remember large parts of it even before I looked up the ad for this post. When it first came out, I didn't know the song. In fact, I recognized the song years later when it came on the radio because of the ad. That's when I realized that it was not a really good pitch.

For those of you unfamiliar, "Paradise by the Dashboard Light" is about a guy who is hooking up with his high school sweetheart and she wants to know if he loves her and will love her forever. He wants to think about it, but he also wants to keep going, so he ends up telling her yes. The song ends with him regretting making that promise, with lines like "I'm praying for the end of time."

The whole appeal to the Go Phone seems to be that it's convenient and won't be too much of a hassle. In the ad, the son needles his dad enough to finally get the phone plan, and it seems like the best option available. Sure, the situation isn't exactly the same as in the song, but it leads one to wonder what the long-term consequences of this plan are. What does all that tiny text at the end of the commercial say?

¹Which was apparently in 2008.

 Recently, I was thinking about how the Gryffindor dorms deal with underage wizards getting together. The stairs up to the ladies' sleeping quarters collapse, turning into a slide, and prevents any young man from deflowering any Gryffindor student. Unless he's made polyjuice potion. Or flies up on a broom. Or can support himself against the walls and climb up that way. Or levitates himself all the way to where he wants to go. Or...well, you get the point. It's the basic Gryffindor strategy: Take the most obvious, bull-headed method, and hope for the best.

That got me thinking about methods the other founders would have devised for their common rooms.

Slytherin: I would imagine the dorms would go downward, so a slide would not work. Salazar Slytherin would probably have foreseen the dangers of his students wanting to shack up together. To prevent this, he probably would have set up so many different traps. These would be set off at random to keep students from being able to plan ahead, and also keep going until exhausted (which wouldn't happen because there are enough and it would be part of the head of house's job to add more each year).

Ravenclaw: Initially, the door the intruding student would try would open to the library, to a section of the student's interest (other than mature relations, of course).

Hufflepuff: One of the duties of the head of house would be to teach sex ed to the students, starting in their first year. Topics covered would start with consent, healthy relationships, and basic safety. Other topics would go into more detail, involving different acts and genders of participants. There would also be an open-door policy for students to approach their head of house with additional questions as needed. The head of house would also be willing to support students from other houses who wanted support as well. As time went on, the house's prefects were probably also given training to offer this support to fellow students, as some students might feel more comfortable going to someone closer to being a peer than to a teacher. The other founders would probably would scoff at this approach, but Helga Hufflepuff would rather her students be safe and comfortable in their relationships, especially because dorm rooms aren't the only place for hanky-panky and queer people exist.

Rowena had been a skeptic at first, but had seen the effects on Hufflepuff's health and updated her house's method to: For the student's first try, a portal would open up to the library, specifically to an area featuring books on health and sexuality. (Thanks to Hufflepuffs, this included a posting of how best to get in touch with the Hufflepuff Head of House and the appropriate prefects.) For the second try, the portal would be there, but there would be a way to get to the target dorm area.

Not how this works, Rowling? Go sit in the corner with George Lucas.

Whoops, forgot to update the year. I had apparently started this last August. Yeah, there's a bunch of entries that are marked private because I haven't finished them yet.

Muggle-borns are a clear allegory for trans folk. Let's focus on Hermione: She was born into a life that didn't match with who she truly was. Then, around puberty (though surely glimpsed through moments throughout her life), rather than follow the expected trajectory, she had the chance to take a different path, one that matches her to her core.¹ Her parents don't fully understand this, but they support her where they can.² Some people in this new world are more accepting, while others hold prejudice and cite Muggle-borns as unnatural and taking resources from properly blooded wizards and witches. There are even slurs hurled her way by members of bloodline supremacist families. Meanwhile, Hermione is working twice as hard as her peers who grew up in wizarding families who were able to pick up a lot via cultural diffusion. There are probably times when she's tempted to do things the Muggle way, but holds off so that she fits in better and doesn't challenge the status quo.³

Let's skip ahead to her fourth year. At one point, she has the chance to change an aspect of her appearance in a way that circumvents the longer, more "natural" methods. Ron, who has been close to her throughout her Hogwarts experience, voices a moment of clarity in which he remembers that she is, in fact, a girl, and therefore eligible for a gender-specific opportunity. Unfortunately, a newcomer, who was not there through this transition and may not be aware of her blood status, asks her to the ball first. There are a number of other women who are jealous of these events, with some seeming as though they she is undeserving of this honor. There are some that are happy for her.

As her story progresses, she takes more ownership of her life and is willing to take chances that put her more in the spotlight. She's caught up in a war that is targeting folks like herself. There are even laws passed to restrict Muggle-borns' access to basic rights. To infiltrate the Ministry, she disguises herself as a Ministry worker, who is probably of the proper blood status to continue working there.

During the epilogue, many have pointed out that Hermione and Ron's children have the most normal names. This might be because all of their children are adopted, possibly all Muggle-borns who were disowned by their Muggle families for being weird.⁴

Molly Weasley has always been portrayed as an extremely accepting mother figure. She has 7 children of her own and, despite not being very wealthy, gladly welcomes the friends of her children into her family. Also, based on statistics alone, there is a high chance of at least one of her children being queer. I can't help but seeing her as akin to the over enthusiastic PFLAG mom meme. Hermione tends to stay with Ginny, as both are women and Molly treats them both as such.⁵

One final aspect to consider is how this major life change could be classified: One might say that she transitioned from mtw.⁶

Sorry, JK Rowling, I don't make the rules. Muggle-borns are clearly transfolk, and Hermione is a transwoman of color.<sup>7

1</sup>Kinda like puberty blockers
²I'm sure that some Muggle-borns' parents have cast them out, or even submitted their kids to torture and/or death.
³If I was in that position, I would definitely return after the holiday break (or second year, depending on if I took a break) with obnoxious school supplies. That would mean pens and pencils, notebook paper, an Animorphs notebook for Transfiguaration, some naturey themed notebook for Herbology, Robert Lyn Nelson notebook for Astronomy, a glitter-covered notebook for Charms, something with Da Vinci designs for History of Magic, and the most happy-looking Lisa Frank notebook for Potions. While I do realize that I might have the time-frame of these pop culture things mixed up a little, I figured I just go full Xena with this. Also, as an adult, I specifically purchased a Spider-Man notebook for chemistry class. It has also served me well through physics, engineering, and math classes. Later on, I know I would take Care of Magical Creatures, and have a notebook with dragons on it for that class.
⁴By "weird," this might include such actions as "accidentally being an arsonist" and "transfiguring random crap around them." And so, by "adopted," I might really mean "spiriting away from becoming a Muggle with a criminal record."
⁵Having grown up with six brothers, Molly might even see this as an opportunity for Ginny to be able to become more "girly."
⁶Muggle to Witch, in this case, though mirroring Man to Woman.
⁷Others have pointed out how Hermione is clearly woman of color, based on descriptions and events in the book. I wish to chain these headcanons together in honor of the leaders of the Stonewall Riots.

Another bunch of scenes for future seasons of Stranger Things. Considering the characters involved, I would expect these to take place in season 3 or later.

( Here are scenes I would like! )Been sitting on this for awhile. Whoops.

The Netflix adaptation of "Sabrina the Teenage Witch" is much darker than previous iterations. It's good in its own way, even if Salem's lines have been downgraded.
Lucifer was on Fox, now on Netflix. It's based on Neil Gaiman's character. The actor who plays Lucifer is great and clearly having a lot of fun. Everyone else plays pretty well off of him, too, which makes it that much better. It's because of this show that I refer to Betsy, one of the horses at the barn, as Be-etsy-bub, as she shares a field with a pony named Lucy and that's Amenadiel's nickname for his brother. The latest addition to field gets to be called Pemily Stallwark because her name is Pemi and that's the best I ever came up with. And by pony, I mean a thoroughbred, so not quite as devilish as ponies tend to be.

( Ponies aside, here's what I want )

 One of my favorite things is language. It's super useful, as anyone who has needed to convey information can attest. It's also fun to play with, as I sling puns about with abandon. But, in the words of Peter Parker's uncle, Ben, with great power comes great responsibility.

All too often, the nuances are steamrolled and ignored. This is one of my issues with the usage of a certain word beginning with "r:"* If, in fact, your oven would have diagnosed as such when that word was in the medical lexicon, part of the reason it's failing to do what you want is because you are not working with it properly. Wait, you mean to say that your oven is actually just not heating your food properly and hasn't gained sentience? Perhaps you need a new heating element, or to make sure that everything is properly connected. Look! We might be closer to solving your problem!

In a similar vein, one of my coworkers is quite unpleasant. This coworker is also a woman. It would be simple to use a single word to describe her that has the added benefit of stripping away her humanity, but not her gender.

HOWEVER.

This term is also overused to the point of cliche. It is the go-to word when a woman acts in a manner that is inconsistent with what a man expects or wants. To me, its use means that the lady's problem boils down to the fact that she is a woman. How many stories are there of lovers who, when "their woman" expressed herself, will trot out this word? And what to cat-callers yell at women who spurn their advances? Some women wear this word like a badge of honor because they know being labeled as such means that they are fighting a good fight and making headway.

Were I to hear someone describe their coworker as such, I would wonder about the other side. Is this woman seen as direct competition? Has this woman gotten benefits or accolades that the storyteller wanted? What is the dynamic between these two people?

I am also often read as male, because our society is highly binary in that sense. Should I use that term, there might be a knowing nod from men listening, while the women listening would probably not feel as comfortable around me. I want women to succeed. I want women to have a voice. I want to have healthy relationships with women.

Instead, when I vent, I try to be more accurate with my descriptions. "This coworker is so inept at her job: here's the latest crap she pulled" or "I don't feel comfortable talking with this coworker because I can never be right if she's around, even if she doesn't know anything about what's happening" or "I should get this Captain America polo to wear at work because I always want to call out this coworker when she wanders around on her phone dropping the f-bomb loud enough for me to hear" or "Oh, man, the other day I came so close to punching this coworker because she kept following me around yelling at me." This allows the listeners to form a better mental picture about what's going on and why I'm stressed out. There have been people who have ascribed this term to her after hearing these stories, which is fair. I cannot control the conclusions other people draw. These listeners can also help me strategize ways to help me feel more confident when I'm around this coworker so I can deal with these issues in a healthier manner, or at least give me some legal advice about the boundaries of self-defense.

I also try not to vent to other people at work. Not only is that unprofessional, but I'd also be a hypocrite because I don't like it when she talks about me behind my back. (Of course, I would be talking about her when she's not in the room, while she likes to hold conversations about me when I'm in hearing range, but that's not really the point.) I don't want to let down First Lady Michelle Obama by going low. There have been times when I have partially defended this coworker's actions. It's not to the point at which I beat myself up to raise this coworker's standings, thankfully, but I have highlighted some of the underlying causes. One of the things that this coworker did was take on too much and not delegate well. Her way of dealing with this stress seems to have been to gather more power to herself by shutting people out and snapping at people who are trying their best to follow through with the limited information they have. This is classic burnout behavior and, while it doesn't excuse her actions, I can feel empathy for her, whether she wants it or not.

For those of you, dear readers, who may worry about me working in such an environment, let me assuage you somewhat. Things have gotten better. I'm not sure of the chain of command, but I know this coworker is no longer the volunteer coordinator nor the barn manager. The current volunteer coordinator is doing a lovely job and is much more approachable, plus she isn't an instructor, so she doesn't have the bias that the crappy coworker had regarding assigning volunteers to lessons. The current barn manager is able to recognize the importance of communication and working as a team and I also feel more comfortable reaching out to her. Both have inherited some messes left by the crappy coworker. Meanwhile, the crappy coworker is lashing out at a lot of people, more than just me, so people are coming to recognize that she can be a jerk.

As for me, I just try not to engage. I keep the snarky comments to myself. Having someone be sarcastic (and, in cases, somewhat rude) would definitely add to her stress. Part of it is somewhat fear, as can be understood from the examples given, but I also don't want to be a complete jerk and possibly cause an aneurysm, nor do I feel like expending the energy. I've stepped up when I can, so that things can get done around the barn and the staff as a whole can work as a team. I've also done what I've felt is the best thing by reaching out as possible and following the proper chains of command. Some things have also sorted themselves somewhat for the best, such as some of the horse lesson schedules aren't a tight as they were, so, when I'm inevitably running a little late, I'm not causing other lessons to be late.

A few months ago, I found myself making peace with the fact that that day might be the day that I cost that coworker both her jobs, as her other job would fire her if she had an assault charge filed against her. Things are far better.

*Other issues with this term include, but are not limited to:
--The fact that it is deeply hurtful for those who would have been given that diagnosis
--These folks, who are able to express themselves, have expressed that it is deeply hurtful
--I have not encountered even one person in this pool that have been okay with the use of it. Some may not address it, but there is still the majority saying "Not okay."
--The historical context is troubling and not worth invoking
--Your "language is evolving" argument is garbage because language is not a wild thing, but domesticated. We can cull the offshoots that we don't like so that we have a useful beast. (And, no, I'm not going to go into breeding and development of actual animal species. Just because aesthetics are often prized over health and function in animals doesn't destroy my metaphor completely.)
--This is largely used as a negative, while folks it would have described are not, themselves, bad
--As a therapeutic riding instructor, I should know better
--There are so many better words to use

Earlier this evening, I clicked on a song by Scandinavian nerd rock band Sonata Arctica and got my hopes ridiculously high. See, the song was called "Larger Than Life" and I was fully prepared for it to not be a cover of the Backstreet Boys song. But there was a tiny piece of me hoping it was. And now, that's what I really want. That's not to say that the song wasn't good by itself! Theatre geeks may enjoy it!

So, in the small chance that someone that has some influence with this band sees this post, I would love to hear a cover of the Backstreet Boys song by Sonata Arctica. Or a Backstreet Boys cover of a Sonata Arctica song. I'm not picky which one.

I want the following scene to be somewhere in a Marvel movie. It could even be a cap to the credits. This should take place after Infinity War, as the characters would probably come together at that point.

 

( Here's the scene! )
 

 

Do me a favor: Look up a picture of Professor Charles Xavier's mansion, the base of the X-Men, also known as the Xavier Institute for Higher Learning. Find the front entrance (and the rear, if you want extra credit points). Try to find what's wrong.

...

Find it yet? I'll give you a hint: Think about the man for which it's named.

In most of the pictures I could find, the front doors (as well as the back doors) are accessible by stairs. If you are moving into a living place, one of the first things you should think about is how easily you can get in and out of that location. This does not seem to be the case when Xavier was designing his base of operations. Plus, the mansion's been blown up enough times and subsequently rebuilt that, at least one time, they would have gotten tired from lugging in all the furniture by hand because they couldn't use dollies or what-have-yous to roll the bajillion beds inside. Sure, you could have Jean Grey do it, but the reconstruction might be because she was the reason the place burned down, or maybe doing that telekenetic labor would induce the Dark Phoenix takeover, or she's died or something. In any case, maybe Chuck wants to go on a moonlit roll by himself and doesn't want to wake someone up to carry him down the stairs.

While I am heaping the blame on the characters in the universe, this oversight is truly the result of the creators. Most of them are probably able-bodied (or were, when they were designing the architecture for this distinctive landmark) and may not have considered the extra effort that would be needed should someone with limitations to their mobility live in a location with so many stairs. Inside, at least, there are elevators. But outside? Sorry, folks, the professor would love to go out to see that movie, but he can't leave the mansion safely! This is one of the reasons why representation in media matters. These little touches, that can be enough for a person to distract the audience from the main story because they're trying to figure out why Charles would live in a place like this, or could even cause a person to walk away from the media entirely because it's too nonsensical, are super important. They also speak to those who have similar conditions and show that those people are welcome in this place and included. Normalization of things is so much more powerful than a single "special episode."

((Yes, I know Xavier has a bunch of different chairs, including some that actually hover and so stairs wouldn't be a problem, but, still, it's a massive oversight.))

Want another reason to be kept up at night? How does Hogwarts manage laundry? House-elves can't do it.

Leia, my phone, is out of commission right now. I was at the county fair and rode the Fireball, which is a round track and really fun, and she fell out of my pocket because I had been taking pictures of livestock and forgot to button the pocket back up afterwards. The person running the ride got me all three pieces (case, back, and main phone), which was easiest because the fair was closing and there weren't too many people scrounging for stuff beneath rides. She fell about 60 feet.

I was surprised to see her light up and keep working well. All that was really wrong was that the screen was cracked. For the next week I kept her in a plastic bag, except for when I was at work, when I put plastic wrap over her so she could fit in the case. I ordered a kit to replace the cracked screen, then started watching a few tutorials, then skipped ahead. I ended up cutting a few ribbon cords that were crucial to keeping her going, so I'm waiting on one more piece before she can be back in business.

In terms of tracking my hive's progress, I might have to use my old digital camera. I haven't been doing too much, other than dropping off more sugar water, especially as the weather has been obnoxious. I have updated my Bee Blog to include images from previous visits, which is most of why I'm making this post. It's a good way to spend the evening, alongside shark movies from Seeeeefeee channel. I'll keep working along, so stay tuned!

( While I was at the fair.... )

Editing to add: She's fixed! Yay! Maybe there's a bit of a gap that allows more pony hair in between the baseplate and the LCD dealie, but I can catch my Pokemen and study the Force and plot with the other Slytherins and and and....